We applied to a local school, as Django will be starting is education in September, about 7 months ago. They have only just written to confirm his place. We then have just a matter of days to confirm back that we still want it for him. I forget and the deadline is today.

So I fill in the form and drive to the council offices to drop the letter in. A very nice lady at reception suggests that I visit the portacabin offices on the other side of the road as that is the actual department. I enter the makeshift office. It’s small and there are a couple of people waiting. I take my letter and am about to drop in on the desk when a very large officious woman with a sneer for an expression says ’You have to have a ticket’

‘A what?’

‘A ticket, a number’ She hands me one of those pointy tickets with a number on that you get at the delicatessen counter at the local supermarket.

‘No I’m only dropping a letter off; I don’t need to see anyone’

‘You still need a number’

‘But I’m just dropping off a letter’

‘There are others waiting, you need a ticket’

This, being obviously bollocks, I ignore and drop the letter on the table.

‘I will not let them have that letter unless you take a ticket’

Had this not been about my son’s future I would have told them were to stick it. However I take a ticket and, somewhat theatrically, sit there holding it up in the air.

After about 3 minutes another woman, sitting behind the desk, says’ Next!’

I deliberately refuse to move. Again she says ‘Next’’ and again I just sit there holding up my ticket until the ticket dispensing Nazi says, with a deal of exasperation, ‘you, it is you!’

I slowly turn to her, ticket still held aloft and say slowly, and a little too loudly’ Are you sure it’s my turn? Only NO ONE has called my NUMBER!

I wonder what this woman’s job description is and how much she gets paid?